i will never hate you. i will always hate what you did to me. you've made it onto a list i never thought i'd ever have to add to again: congratulations, you're officially just another piece of shit to walk into my life, only to break my heart and stroll right on out again. a part of me will always want to forgive you so i can know what's it like for you to hold me and kiss me again, but another part of me gets sick at the thought of your tough. brutal honesty, i'm sorry, but it's true. it may seem completely ridiculous to you, but i gave you plenty of chances to redeem yourself, and over and over again you went down the same road. this is not my fault. you created all of these problems. you gave an idea of perfection for a hope of starting over with a stranger. you ruined everything for us. now you'll never see me in blue.

I like to think of myself as a strong person. To a certain extend I am. But lately I don't feel like I am anymore. I feel dependent and lonley and depressed almost.
I need you. I've never needed anyone in my life, ever. and I really need you.
It's a weird feeling for me to need someone.
I can talk to you about anything. and you're the ONLY one who makes me feel better about my anxiety. everyone else makes it worse except you. you know how to deal with me and put up with all the crazy I have. you make stop thinking everytime I'm with you or talking to you. All the anxiety, and crazy and worries goes away with one dose of you.
Not being able to see or talk to you is driving me crazy!

I want you to vanish from my life. Along with: memories of every conversation, every moment, and every day since I met you. I want a clean slate. Needing you is killing me, and I didn't fucking need you until you needed ME

sometimes, the world will just not be understood with silence. it cannot be understood if everyone walked away from their issues and pretended that certain things exist while others don't. it cannot be understood with feuds, with cold shoulders, with little immature anonymous notes on blogs. tchokay?

everyone's been letting their voices out about everyone else; finally, all those minor annoyances that become major pain-in-the-ass events that've just been building up and up in our memories until, one extra touchy day when you're feeling in the mood for a bitch, all it takes is one meek yet brash question: do you actually like them?.

that's all it takes for everything to come out. through our words; spiked up a little here to make it sound more dramatic, twisted a little bit there to make it look like you were the victim. and ta. your subject of bitching has become a somewhat bad guy

i wonder how many people you've exchanged flaws with about me?
and i wonder how many of the same words have been repeated, reiterated, emphasized, discussed.

hypocrite, flirt, goody-goody, suck-up, lecturer, preacher, self-centered, insensitive, rude, spoiled, incapable, "can't do anything", overly jealous, overly paranoid, overly aggressive,

i feel like making one of those forms that respondents have to fill out for interviews or work or something. please tpick one (or more) that you feel is a problem of my attitude.

at least something i won't have on my list is denial.