depressed

t's taken a while but i have finally been able to admit that I am depressed. I've been feeling it for awhile, but because I was so aware of what the symptoms were and because I'm used to always being the strong one, I didn't want to consider it as an option or really fess up to it. But now that I don't have school or work as a distraction, I'm home all day and I'm really feeling the change in mood and appetite and of course in my sleeping pattern. I've finally found the reason for my depression. & it was right infront of me all day ever day. My mom. God, why did cancer have to strike out family. I don't know how many of you out there have ever known someone who took chemotherapy or radiation treatment as an option for killing cancer, but there is no real way to avoid the hurt you feel for them, for your self, for your family, everyday I see mymoms hair..short..a different color..Im happy shes helthy now..but at the same time I look at her and just wonder is she going to be here this christmas, next? I cant stand the thought without my mom, shes been there through everything, my stupid descisions, my good times and bad, I dont know if I could stand to live without her. I see and hear about people dying everyday from caner, its in the movies, its in stores, little pink ribbons, thinkgs for breast cancer, I just get a reminder everyday that my mom was diagnosed with this life threatening disease..
i just hope, pray and wish that this cancer is gone and WILL NEVER come back. I love you so much mom.