Dear richard,
All this time I've been really afraid to let you know how much you've hurt me. Every little thing, I never wanted you to see it on me. I'm starting to realize that maybe its not healthy and you should realize how much you hurt me. Then you'd see what all really happened and then maybe you'd understand everything, and most importantly me, better.

I've been so afraid all this time for you to see it because I've been afraid that you wouldn't react to it. You wouldn't care. You'd blow it over. But after all this time, what have I got to lose right? You're barely in my life anymore and I've made a strong effort to keep all your friends that somehow turned into my friends out of my life.

So I don't know how I'm going to do it but I'm going to make you see how much you hurt me. Everything I kept bottled up, all the secrets I told everyone not to tell you, all the problems and situations that happened because of your abscense. Somehow you're going to see it. I'm going to tell them to tell you. I'm going to tell them to tell you that on that one night when I was crying it wasn't just because I was drunk and because I gt in fights with my parents or friends.. I'm going to have them tell you the truth, that it was all because of you.

Yes. You had that much of an effect on me. Whether I hated you, loved you, felt indifferent you still made a big impact on me. I had this exterior and I knew what I was doing. I knew how not to get hurt and how to love. I knew the difference. You made a big dent inside of me and blurred the lines I had drawn myself. I don't like admitting it but it's true and maybe I just shouldnt hide the truth anymore because people can partially see it whether I try to hide it or not. And if you were around me then and now you would probably realize it too. But you weren't.

So I hope you realize how much you hurt me. I hope it explains a lot. I hope you feel sorry. I hope you realize that you weren't the only one hurt. Every thing you felt; anger, sadness, regret.. I respect it. I did a lot. Just know that you weren't the only one. I felt a lot too and we both have different ways of dealing with it.

This is being drawn out.
Love, Me.